i can't believe i had my finger in that
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
