Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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