haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
