so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
