Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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