i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
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