We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
