You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
