Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
