And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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