We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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