I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
