i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
This gyro tastes like lonliness
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I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
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There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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