I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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