MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I just found puke in my bra..
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
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