did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
