I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
