just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
