umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Less talking, more tequila
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
