I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
