I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
