apparently the secret to your success is patron
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
