well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
