Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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