a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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