dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
