So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
