three words: i give head
three words: not that well
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I think your dad took our porno
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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