NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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