Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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