He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
