I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Randomize
