3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize