Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
