Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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