If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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