Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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