Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
