ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
