he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
The feeling are messing with the penis
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
