he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
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