I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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