Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
