hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
