remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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