billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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