I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
