I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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