my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
