thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
