We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
