I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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