my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Also, beer. Big fan.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
