I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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