sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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