I smell stomach acid.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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