I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
