I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
it glows. i had to have it.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
