Midget sex pt 2 tonight
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
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there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
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We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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