My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
