Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
