It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
