Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
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You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize