Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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