Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
