Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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