once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
