Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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