I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
