I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
