Jerry, you need to find god
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
