ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
What happened to fro yo and sex?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
