I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
